Community and Friendship

I caught the tail end of 20/20 on TV last week. They were discussing a book called "The Geography of Bliss." The author had gone around the world to find out where the happiest people lived. He discovered that the happiest people in the world are not the ones with the most money, most comfortable living conditions, or even the most freedom. The happiest people in the world were the ones with the strongest sense of community. Communities of homeless people on the streets of Calcutta were happier people than those in wealthy countries where the focus is generally more on personal achievement.

It was interesting timing for me to catch this program because not a month ago, I watched the movie "Sicko" which is about the disheartening state of the health care "industry" in the United States. When I was watching this film it was very clear that Americans have a very weak sense of community. Citizens of the US are taught very early in life that it is good to be an individual. As a result, I believe the overriding mentality of people is that as long as they aren't personally being effected by something, there is no need to make much of a effort for change. Even an overwhelming majority of people who would like to make a difference in the community, don't make the effort, because they think that it won't make a difference. It makes me sad and oftentimes incredibly frustrated to see the direction my country is headed.

But, it's also given me the chance to reflect on myself and how I play a role in my current community in South Korea. My fellow wayguks and I -by choice or necessity- have a developed a strong sense of community. When there are new people in Ansan for the first time, they are embraced into the community. They are shown around the city, given maps and directions and told where to go to get the things that they need. They are taken out and educated on local customs and culture. People did it for me when I fist got here and now I have the chance to return the favor for the newly arrived bunch! Of course, it's not just foreigners showing around foreigners, or else what would be the point of visiting another country. Korean people are amazingly warm and generous and best of all- they love Korea and love teaching us all about it.

There are so many little things- the book exchange at the Hangout Bar; the free Korean classes Stefan generously gives; the way that people will call in to check up on you and see if you need anything when you are sick- and countless other things that really give one a sense of belonging.

Now, community doesn't necessarily imply friendship, though they tend to be related. Coman and I had an interesting conversation yesterday about the friendships that get formed in Korea and what value they hold given that most people will be gone in a year. To that I offer my personal perspective: I've moved to six different towns in the past six or seven years. Some places I've made amazing friends, other places I've wanted to crawl into a hole and get away from everyone I knew. Some people I thought were best friends wouldn't give me the time of day once I moved away. And sometimes people who were only casual acquaintances became better friends after I moved. Granted, there are a small handful of people who will always be my best friends in the world- they will be there through thick and thin, support me no matter how near or far I am- and friendship like that does take years to develop. But, not every friend you make has to be a best friend for life. If you know that you have a limited amount of time to spend with a person, does that not make the time together all the more valuable? From that perspective, I can say that the friendships I've formed since I've been here have been surprisingly meaningful. I don't know how many people I'll stay in touch with after I leave- hopefully most of them- but what good does it do to worry about that anyway? I can honestly say that I have a very strong feeling of love for all of my friends here, and for me, it doesn't need to be quantified.