Long, hot nights...

It's been averaging about 100 degrees F here. When I moved here about 3 weeks ago, I was told that the heat would break in about 3 weeks. Yesterday, I was told the worst of the heat would be gone in about 3 weeks. I see a pattern emerging here. As if it weren't bad enough that the temperature is crazy hot all the time, it's also rainy season here. Amazing, it hasn't really rained much at all, but it's always on the verge of a downpour. You know, it's generally overcast and about 90% humidity.

Man, it's brutal. But I've been dealing alright, staying inside my nicely air conditioned apartment during the hottest parts of the day. That doesn't sound so bad, but it does get a little boring after a while. Here are my choices of things to do: 1) Watch TV. This option isn't as obvious as it would be at home, because I only get one channel- Discovery- that always comes in in English. I love Discovery, but there is only so many times you can watch the same special, which they tend to play over and over again each week. Last week it was on Super Weapons. Anyone who knows me already knows that I wouldn't even watch that for the first time. This week it's been Building the Airbus. Fascinating, really, but watching it take off for the first time is far less exciting by the 4th or 5th time you've seen it!

So, I do get other programs in English. In fact, if you flip through the channels, at any given time about 1/4 of the shows are in English. Problem is, none of them come on at any specific time as far as I can tell. I mean, they don't start on the hour. A show seems just as likely to come on at 3:12 as 3:38. There is no way of knowing, no directory to confirm. Also, the majority of these programs are just about the worst American TV and cinema has to offer -Hollywood Fit Club, The Day After Tomorrow, and An American Werewolf in Paris, just to name a few examples. There also seems to be a large number of crime shows, all of the CSIs and Law and Order. These shows are alright enough, but I'm still not used to living by myself and can help to make the nights a bit scary, so I tend to avoid them.

2) Second choice for how to spend my afternoons is to spend my time on the web. I was an Internet junkie to begin with, but now I've officially gone over the edge. I must check my 4 different emails about 20 or 30 times a day. Also, I've been keeping up with the US Presidential candidates, learning everything there is for a foreigner to do in Korea (if only she had some money or any idea how to get around), and of course, keeping my blog. This doesn't only include writing crazy long entries, but also, reading other people's blogs, learning about the entire world of blogging, and trying to get more people to read my blog. I've also been thinking about adding two other blogs to my profile. One would be reviews of my favorite books and the other, an inspirational sort of thing, to help people learn to believe in themselves and realize their dreams.

Of course, the most fun generally happens when two fun activities are combined into something totally new -kite surfing, for example. For me, I've created my own fun little pass-time called "Guess What the Hell it is that I'm Watching on TV." I do this by Googling the name of any actor or actress who I can recognize and then trying to see if I can match up their movies with what I'm watching. It's harder still if I don't know the name of an actor. Then I have to try search for something related to what I'm seeing. For example, with An American Werewolf in Paris, I searched for "worst werewolf movie ever." Low and behold, someone had posted a listing of his choices for 10 Worst Werewolf Movies. Man, you got to love the web!

3) The third possibility is to read. It's one of my favorite pass-times, but I have a limited number of books and I try to limit myself to a chapter a day, so as not to finish them all in a week. It's nice to read in this way, because it gives you time to think about what you've read, before hurrying on to the next chapter. I think ultimately, it is a better reading experience. It also gives me time, not just to reflect on what was written, but how it was written. A useful thing for an aspiring writer to do.

4) You would think that boredom would lead naturally to overeating, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I've been cooking healthy meals and the snacks I keep in the house aren't all so bad for me. Actually, I think I've lost a few pounds but I have no way of knowing.

5) Sit around and think. I do this a lot. Sometimes, I don't sit. I might lay down or I might be sweeping my always dusty floor or washing my dishes. But the point is, when you live alone, there is a lot of time to think. This is particularly true at night. I haven't yet gotten used to sleeping alone. There is no one to cuddle. And it's hot, even with the AC on. And my bed is lumpy. And I'm scared from watching CSI and people telling me I live in a bad neighborhood. I hate not being able to say goodnight to Eric. So I say up for hours, half asleep and half awake, jumping at every little sound. And even though I'm scared and hot and tired, I think about how lucky I am. I'm so lucky to be living my dreams. And I know that it isn't really luck at all, it's hard work, determination and not settling for anything else that got me here. It's also believe in myself and the love and support of a wonderful man and wonderful family and friends. I think, at night, when I'm all alone, that I wish that I could help to inspire even one other person to live their dreams, to remind them that even when things look like they couldn't get worse, there is a purpose. Never give up belief in your dreams, I would tell someone, if I had anyone to tell.

I also think about the fact that, even though I'm living one of my dreams, there are still so many things that I just don't know about. For instance, redefining a long-distance relationship. That's a tough one and maybe I'll delve a little deeper into it some other time. The real point is, even though I am happy, my life is far from perfect. There are plenty of things that I worry about a little too much. But, I've learned that every feeling good or bad will pass eventually. It's an important lesson in being happy. It allows me to really appreciate all of the good times so much more and to not worry quite so much about the things that trouble me. I hope to not have to endure many terrible times in my life, but I just have a feeling that I can get through whatever is thrown my way. And that is what helps me to fall asleep soundly, eventually, every night.